And oddly enough, it's been about six months--half a year--since I last updated my journal. Kinda fits, huh...

Anyways, I've been thinking, and trying not to think, a lot here lately. I don't know quite how I feel about my life. I've accomplished a decent amount in my almost 24 years on this planet. I've made it through countless years of formal education, and finally graduated with my Bachelor's degree in English in December. I've had my job at Target for about two and a half years now, successfully proving to myself that I'm perfectly capable of holding down a steady job, dealing with stress, and learning to perform new tasks. While at said job, I've made a handful of fantastic new friends whom I cherish very much. I've moved out of my parents' house, and though I haven't lived on my own yet, exactly, I've done just fine with roommates. I have a dog, and although I had my doubts about how well I'd take care of her and put up with her, I think I've done well. All in all, I'm pleasantly surprised and pleased with myself.

At the same time, I still have a lot left to accomplish in the near future (and beyond!), and to be perfectly honest, it scares me to death. I need to find the money to go to grad school and get my degree in Library Science. I need to find a new, 'better' job--i.e. something in an area other than retail. I don't know if I'll do that before or after my Master's degree, but I know I'll do it eventually. I'm still trying to decide if I want to live on my own--no roommate, no family, just me and my dog. I feel like I should give it a try just to prove to myself that I can do it. On the other hand, I'm afraid of what I'll morph into, personality-wise, without another person around to keep me in line. By nature, I'm reclusive and self-torturing, and it's only my love for the people I've lived with that's kept me from becoming some sort of angry in-city hermit. Maybe that's not how I'd turn out. Maybe I'd surprise myself yet again and get just that much stronger on my own. But what if I just (figuratively) self-destruct instead? Is it worth risking it this early on? It's not like having a roommate is anything to be ashamed of or anything, especially when one's roommate is one of the people nearest and dearest to one's heart. So... what is there to prove, after all?

I don't know. I think I'm babbling at this point, or getting there at least. The one thing I'm sure of is that I've got a lot more growing up (and a lot more proving myself) left to do. The how of the process is daunting, though.